What Did You Say?

I understand. I get it. It's hard to know what to say to a Griever. 

"Will I upset them? Will I put my foot in my mouth? Will I cause them to cry?"

Here's the thing- SO WHAT!? 

So you say something stupid. Something someone else has already said. Something EVERY one else has already said. 

SO WHAT?!

Say it anyway. Reach out. Say something! Anything! 

Tell them they are on your mind.  Tell them you want to help. Tell them you Prayed for them.

Here's a big one! Tell them something their loved one did that made you smile. Tell them one of your memories. 

Will you make them cry? Probably. Can you hug them while they cry? Well, do you have arms? 

To be honest, YOU didn't MAKE them cry. The death of their loved one is why they cry. You actually have no idea how often that happens. More than you'd be comfortable knowing. Much more. 

Here's the other thing- doooo something. Nothing big, nothing crazy, nothing costly. Just DO something.

Show up on a random Tuesday with pizza in hand. Invite them to a movie. Drop off a plant. Bring them lunch. Touch base with the kids. Wash their dishes as you talk in the kitchen. Don't offer. Just do. 

Asking a Griever if they need anything is adding to them more to think about. They have no idea what they need or what you would be willing to help with in their grief. 

Greif is lonely. Even surrounded by family and friends. There could be ten people calling per day and they will still be lonely.  Not because those callers didn't help. They most certainly did. But, because the void left behind by their loved one is huge. It is impossible to fill. 

You can help by sitting in that void with them. You can help by listening. You can help by not being afraid to grab a tissue for them. You can help by opening up your heart and showing a little vulnerability yourself. You can help! 

Grief is HARD. Grief sucks. Grief gives no mercy. And what's worse? Grief sticks around for a very long time.