Friday, October 3, 2014

If It Were Me...

I'd need you to hold my hand.

And tell me you love me.

And know I loved you, too.

If it were me,

I'd want it to be sprinkling.

But sunny.

I would want a purple blanket.

And a larger room.

And a nurse with a huge pregnant belly.

If it were me,

I would want my Doctor to tell you the truth.

I would want Residents to give their thoughts.

And the nurses too, as well.

If it were me,

I would want my Mom by my side.

But my kiddos happily coloring in the waiting room.

With Papi, PopPop & MomMom.

And, of course, My Gram.

If it were me,

I'd need you to know how much I cared for you.

With every ounce of my heart.

And thought in my head.

If it were me,

I would be scared.

And lonely.

And feel like giving up.

If it were me,

I'd need you to tell me to stay.

Sunday, June 8, 2014


Today begins my 3rd Combat Fitness Challenge at Delaware Combat Sports.

I began my first one, the beginning of my healthier, fitter, happier lifestyle, on September 29th.

Since then, not only am I over 50lbs lighter (I hit that mark in May. Each bag is 25lbs, representing the 50lbs I've lost)


I'm now in size 14 pants instead of 20s or 22s.

I'm wearing a Large Tee Shirt instead of a 2x or 3x.

I'm attending 5 & 6 classes each week instead of just the three agreed upon. 

I'm more confident, outgoing, brave, lively, happy, proud, excited, and ambitious than I ever have been.  (Yes, Mom, I said "proud." I'm getting there.)

This Challenge I am more determined than ever. I have a Team this time. Appointed Team Leader by our Trainer. I have 7 team members looking to me for encouragement, guidance, motivation, training, and a difference. I'm ready. I'm up for the Challenge!



Here's to more before and after shots.
The goofy face is for my Mom.
(See? More confidence. Could you imagine I would have posted a shot like that before?)

Friday, May 16, 2014

Here's What Lead Up to What Happened

We went away for Mother's Day Weekend. Madi had a Karate Tournament outside of Detroit on Saturday. (Yes, we went all the way to Detroit for Karate)

We left Thursday afternoon and traveled (a really long time) through the night. We checked into our hotel somewhere around 3am Friday morning.

For the ride home, we decided not to do the same. After supporting Sensei through his competitions we left the Tournament around 5pm, stopped for a lovely (fun, cracking my ass up) dinner with Sensei and two other families. We then got on the road and decided to drive until a decent bed time.

The other two families set their alarms and got on the road for home early Mother's Day Sunday. Not us. We turned off the alarm and leisurely began our (what we thought would be a relaxing) ride home.

We starved the kiddos for breakfast as we had missed the memo that everyone and their MOM would be at the first exit's Cracker Barrel for breakfast (duh). So we continued on while ignoring the moaning and grumbling from those kiddos we were starving in the back seat.

We happened upon Kng's Family Restaurant in PA and had a wonderful brunch with some of the BEST Customer Service I have EVER had! Knowing me (and how picky I am) and my forte, you know that this Lady had to have knocked my socks off! She did.

We finished there and stopped by the Flight 93 Memorial just outside of Somerset, PA. God Bless America. (pause here for a moment of silence)

So, our next stop? Elizabethtown, PA so Mommy could show off her college and especially the Fun Fort (think Piccadilly Castle at Brecknock Park) a block away from the college. Kiddos played for about an hour on the wooden playground set. Had a blast. But they kept bugging to go down the hill to the other playground.

Let me take just a moment to describe it. I'm sure it was there first, before E-Town College Kids built the Fun Fort in 91. Imagine if you will, your childhood playgrounds (probably the reason helmets were invented, forget bikes). This was the one with the METAL merry go round, the METAL teeter totter, the METAL giant spider who's only purpose is for you to walk on what would be monkey bars if they were higher off the ground only to get to the middle (the spider's body) and go "look ma! no hands, it's just steel bars I straddled to get up here, can you get me down because now I'm immobilized in fear even though I made it up here on my own."

Well, that teeter totter thing? The one on the giant metal spring!? Yeah, THAT THING! JP decided to exit that thing towards the middle, meaning towards the seat to the right. THE METAL SEAT TO THE RIGHT. Have I mentioned the metal!? Metal! Yeah.

Hubs and I are at the top of the hill. I with my camera, him with his cap. Wait, wrong story. JP slips and falls toward that METAL SEAT, hits his head, and ricochets to the ground. YES! Ricochets. I HEAVE my camera at Hubs, drop my camera bag to the ground and take off running. By the time I get to my kiddos she's screaming, JP is crying bloody murder and speaking of bloody! HOLY HELL!

On all fours, JP starts making his way to his feet while blood pours out of his head. I stripped off his tee shirt thinking that we needed pressure on his head, where ever all of this was coming from. I dropped to the ground and cradled the poor kid like a baby. We were joined by Hubs and a lady walking by with a toddler. She stopped and said she had paper towels and wipes if I needed them. I accepted.

She then tells me her niece is a nurse and is up the hill at their BBQ, would I like her to come down. Through glassy eyes I accepted that too. A few minutes later she comes over with an ice pack she had made for us. These ladies were the sweetest. So helpful, so kind. Makes you appreciate (what seems to be rare) kindness these days.

She recommended Urgent Care and said it looked like at the least JP would need stitches.



Sunday, January 12, 2014

I'm A Trouble Maker

I’ve got a kiddo issue on my mind. In the most broad way of describing I’ll say that I just don’t understand what is so hard about teaching your children right from wrong and raising your children to be good people. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am NOT saying parenthood is easy. It isn’t. It’s a challenge, a struggle sometimes, and it’s a balancing act. Completely. I know that. And I’m not even touching pregnancy and infancy as we all know how much I LOVED that with JP (sarcasm font here). I’m talking over all parenthood and raising our kiddos.

Our kiddos know right from wrong. But we never SAT DOWN with them to say here’s a list, this is the right, this is the wrong. There isn’t a list, that I’m aware of anyway. I hate to say it came natural for us, but I think it kinda did. It wasn’t difficult to show them by example, to teach them (and continue teaching them). Looking back I just think it happened.

What confuses me is how it’s not standard. It’s not a priority for some parents. Or it isn’t even thought of by them. How are your kids going to function in society? How ARE they functioning? Not knowing right from wrong, not knowing how to interact with others, not respecting authority, not behaving in an acceptable manner just causes more and more problems. And it won’t stop. It will continue.

Now, even forgetting about the other children in the classroom a behavior like this affects, what about the trouble maker child themselves? If a child becomes such an issue that they have to be removed from a classroom repeatedly, what kind of an education are they getting? What kind of focus do they have?

And, more importantly, what do we do now to solve this? Because it's keeping me up at night. :(

Sunday, January 5, 2014


Dear Howard,

                I sat down this afternoon to write you a simple Thank You for the last three months of classes. Somehow, that doesn’t explain it. Simple is far from what this involved. 

               I’m not referring to the exercises, albeit, they were not simple. But more the mental and emotional investment an undertaking like me involves. 

                I’m not a confident woman, not an overly outspoken woman. I can be very shy and reserved. And most times I am negative about myself. I always have been. But somehow you trudged through knowing most of this and carried on pushing and pushing me. My excuses were not accepted but rather than scold me you encouraged me and motivated me to continue on and do better. 

                You had faith in me when I didn’t have any myself. You showed me that I have strength I didn’t know I had. You forced me to be courageous in times I thought I would fail and to be stable in those moments I would lose my balance, figuratively and literally. 

                I cannot even begin to put into just a few words what the last three months has done for me. I’ve met new friends and strengthened old ones. I’ve gained confidence in myself that even follows me to work.  I’ve felt more capable of physically doing things. And I have glowed in the compliments I have received from the people that see me daily on my journey. 

                Howard, for all of this and so very much more, I thank you. Not a Thank You that this is even close to being complete, but rather a Thank You for just getting started! 

                THANK YOU.