Every single day I am reminded that you abandoned your family. Left when we needed you most. Turned your back when we begged for you.
Some days the reminder is a good one. How far we’ve come, what we can accomplish, what we’ve learned. Knowing who supports us, pushes us, believes in us. Knowing we are survivors, our tight little family of three.
Other days, not so good. Today is one of those. One of the days I would love to pick up the phone and show you just how powerful you were, you still are, without even knowing. How your abandonment has left a hole, a void, a lack of confidence in all of us.
Left with this for life, questioning over and over our worthiness in everything we do. Questioning our abilities and our qualifications. Are we good enough?
Today, she’s not, in her own mind. She’s struggling and left feeling empty. Again. Doesn’t believe in herself, won’t believe in herself. Refuses to see what’s staring back in the mirror at her. Instead sees an empty space in her life. That nothing can fill.
As her Mom, I’m helpless. No amount of hugs, reassurance, words of encouragement, kick butt mantras from me make it go away. Therapists, counselors, teachers, family, pastors all believe in her. Know what a powerful young lady she is. Know she is good, and worthy, and strong, and able, and deserving.
But she doesn’t know it. She can’t see it, can’t touch it, can’t embrace it. Her view is tainted, skewed.
So, today, I’m getting her clearer glasses. I’m trying again, I’m trying harder. I’m trying with all my Mommy might. I’m getting up again, no matter how many times, and I’m fighting for her.
Because today, and every day, she’s my girl and she deserves the best of me. She deserves it all.
